Who needs sanity? (Part 1)

Ecclesiastes 3. It says it best. There is a time for all things.. A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh... and laugh.. and laugh and laugh and cry a little. There are lots of weeping and laughing moments when you are a parent. Sometimes we laugh because we don't want to cry.. or don't know what else to do. But there is ALWAYS laughter! 

So, friends, I have written down one of my favorite (and most horrifying) parenting moments that I can think of.. or haven't blocked the memory out. Just kidding ;) But seriously :P It's only one story because.. well.. you'll see, one is just enough.. here we go:

• School picture day. One of the most feared and anticipated days of the entire year. My husband is at work, and I am at home with the kiddos on a chilly day in November. I put up my beautiful twin girls hair; every lock in place. I dress them in their finest picture attire; the perfect balance of comfy and elegant. Socks are folded gracefully, faces are washed thoroughly... shoes are shined, bows fluffed to perfection. Picture perfect. Little brother is dressed in his snow-bunny suit, ready to face the cold winter day and I am throwing on jackets and hats making sure we have enough time and don't have to rush inside (I want people to see my beautiful little angels... fashion artwork and precious faces = perfection). My husband, being the sweet man he is, decided to quickly clean out the car before he left for work that morning. Little did he know that he forgot to shut the automatic sliding door to my mommy-mobile... leaving it sitting exposed to the thousands of leaves falling from the giant oak in front of our home. I instruct the girls to finish putting on their gloves and make a dash to the car to snap in the car seat and put their school bags and the diaper bag in the van. To my surprise, I find the door open and two inches of leaves on the floor. I quickly brush out the leaves, drop off the stuff and the baby, and run back inside to help the girls out to be buckled into the car. I walk them out to the open door of the car and realize that neither of them have their gloves, hats, OR jackets on. Horrified that my children are walking through the 30 degree weather without proper clothing, I "calmly" ask where their jackets are. "I took it off.. its hot out here!", SJ exclaimed while I yell at them to go put their clothes back on. I run ahead to grab their jackets and turn to throw one on when I spin around to see SR falling to the ground (in slow motion, I swear) and caking the bottom of her beautiful shirt in fresh winter mud. I panic! I have ten mins to get them to school (eight minutes away)! I don't have time to change her AND her sister (twins mean matching school picture outfits) AND get them to school. I run in and grab a wet rag... and am in shock of what I see next.... Their snack bucket. NO! I forgot that I had to bring snack for the ENTIRE class today.... So, I run out to the car, grab the baby and the girls and drag them inside.. throw snack together in three seconds flat and push them all out the door again like a mad woman. Sigh. Finally.. in the car. I start it and look down at the dash. My husband had forgotten another bit of information. I had NO gas... it was on empty. I immediately start bawling. He also took the debit card today... so I am left with no money, no gas, and no sanity. Who needs sanity anyway? So, being the incredible mommy I am.. what do I do? Pray and floor it. I might not be able to leave the parking lot, but I know after today, God will make this gas stretch to get there.... I hope!!!! Of course, I hit EVERY stop light.. and am forced to stop and wave at EVERY cop this side of town. But finally, I'm there! We run inside.. and my! Aren't we a sight to see!!! My hair a mess because I forgot to fix it, the snack bucket with half bags/half cups full of snack (because I ran out of baggies half way through making it), the girls, SR with cake down her shirt and SJ with her bow crooked because she had an itch..... and SD.. the baby.. Screaming his head off in his little snow bunny suit, because I didn't have time to feed him again before we left. Did I mention I was bawling my eyes out? But.. they sure do take cute pictures! And they cropped out the mud ;) Isn't picture day fun?? By the way, I made it home on my gas tank.. told you it would work!!

To be continued...

(Tune in next time to see how poop, makeup, and sharpie are all related....)

Comment me with YOUR best story!!!!

~ Ashleeplusthree

Life Lessons.

Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun burn? Why do flowers grow? Why do people think babies tooting is cute but adults tooting is gross? These are the questions that make the world go round. Our kids seem to have a better understanding of the universe than we, as adults, do. They understand that crying works for just about everything. Hunger, sleepiness, diaper changes... all cured by screaming. What other lessons can these incredible human beings teach us? Here are a few things I have learned from my kids... What have you learned from your tiny humans??

1) Smiling and drinking doesn't work well. I just recently posted this on Facebook.. and its truthfulness rings out! Teeth or no teeth, this doesn't work. Unless of course you find a wet shirt/pants attractive, then maybe it might fly. 

2) Do not eat spaghetti and sneeze. This one is pretty self explanatory. My twins do this all the time. Things coming out of your nose is not comfortable. So why is it that three year olds think things in their noses are so funny?? Well, I guess that it is slightly funny, at least that moment of surprise when they realize that something is hanging from their face... But lets not make it a habit, k?

3) Things are "OK momma" ... most of the time. You broke mommies shoe? It's OK momma. The dog peed on the floor and mommy stepped on it? It's OK momma. You threw a bowl across the floor and it shattered into a billion pieces? It's OK momma. You decided that the baby was cold so you put a blanket over his head while I was in the bathroom? It's OK momma. You stuck into the bathroom in the middle of the night, stole mommies makeup and thought it looked good on the couch and carpet? It's OK momma. You decided that the wall needed art work so you drew a picture on it.. and your bed.. and yourself.. in permanent marker? It's OK momma. Sister took your toy and put it in the toilet. NOT OK! NOT OK AT ALL! Sister is now the bane of your existence and deserves to serve her time in the corner.. toddlers confuse me.

4) Candy is always a suitable option for a meal. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. So much sugar! Snacks of smarties and suckers are acceptable, too. Who cares that it is unhealthy and will also keep you from taking that long awaited nap so mommy can finally get a moment of peace?! Yeah.. me either. :P

5) Pooping is funny. Take it from a three month old, this is true. You poop... get changed.. all clean, decide to play with mommy and daddy. Kicking your legs, being all cute.. when suddenly.. THHHHHHHPPPP. And cue the smile!!! SO funny.. haha.. hahahaha. hah. hmm.

6) Big girl panties = cool. And we must tell everyone that we are wearing them. Even total strangers. Oh yes.. and they have Disney princesses on them! Wanna see? No. No they don't.

7) Our new baby is THEIR baby. "That is MY baby. Not mamma's." Honestly I am too scared to contest this statement... SR is VERY serious about HER baby. 

8) Pink is the answer to any question. Favorite color is pink. Favorite number is pink. Favorite Disney Princess... is Elsa... but she totally has pink snow powers. Oh, and horses can be pink, too. And apparently that's what they want for their birthday. That is a bit of a tall order.. while we are on the subject:

9) Singing happy birthday every time we talk to someone on the phone is perfectly normal. And telling everyone on Sunday morning that it is your birthday is also normal. Because people give you candy which is OK to eat all the time (see #4). 

10) Apple Juice is the sweet nectar of life. Water? Forget it! It's all about that juice, baby! 20 glasses of juice? The more the merrier!! Ah, so what if it makes us poop buckets all day! MORE JUICE. And a new development to this concept... my girls have started telling their grandma that "Momma didn't give me juice this morning. That's not nice." I definitely DID give them juice, but they know grandma has to give them ten times the amount of juice they should to make up for it. Well played little juice-minions.. Well played. 

To be continued...

~ Ashleeplusthree