Who needs sanity? (Part 1)

Ecclesiastes 3. It says it best. There is a time for all things.. A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh... and laugh.. and laugh and laugh and cry a little. There are lots of weeping and laughing moments when you are a parent. Sometimes we laugh because we don't want to cry.. or don't know what else to do. But there is ALWAYS laughter! 

So, friends, I have written down one of my favorite (and most horrifying) parenting moments that I can think of.. or haven't blocked the memory out. Just kidding ;) But seriously :P It's only one story because.. well.. you'll see, one is just enough.. here we go:

• School picture day. One of the most feared and anticipated days of the entire year. My husband is at work, and I am at home with the kiddos on a chilly day in November. I put up my beautiful twin girls hair; every lock in place. I dress them in their finest picture attire; the perfect balance of comfy and elegant. Socks are folded gracefully, faces are washed thoroughly... shoes are shined, bows fluffed to perfection. Picture perfect. Little brother is dressed in his snow-bunny suit, ready to face the cold winter day and I am throwing on jackets and hats making sure we have enough time and don't have to rush inside (I want people to see my beautiful little angels... fashion artwork and precious faces = perfection). My husband, being the sweet man he is, decided to quickly clean out the car before he left for work that morning. Little did he know that he forgot to shut the automatic sliding door to my mommy-mobile... leaving it sitting exposed to the thousands of leaves falling from the giant oak in front of our home. I instruct the girls to finish putting on their gloves and make a dash to the car to snap in the car seat and put their school bags and the diaper bag in the van. To my surprise, I find the door open and two inches of leaves on the floor. I quickly brush out the leaves, drop off the stuff and the baby, and run back inside to help the girls out to be buckled into the car. I walk them out to the open door of the car and realize that neither of them have their gloves, hats, OR jackets on. Horrified that my children are walking through the 30 degree weather without proper clothing, I "calmly" ask where their jackets are. "I took it off.. its hot out here!", SJ exclaimed while I yell at them to go put their clothes back on. I run ahead to grab their jackets and turn to throw one on when I spin around to see SR falling to the ground (in slow motion, I swear) and caking the bottom of her beautiful shirt in fresh winter mud. I panic! I have ten mins to get them to school (eight minutes away)! I don't have time to change her AND her sister (twins mean matching school picture outfits) AND get them to school. I run in and grab a wet rag... and am in shock of what I see next.... Their snack bucket. NO! I forgot that I had to bring snack for the ENTIRE class today.... So, I run out to the car, grab the baby and the girls and drag them inside.. throw snack together in three seconds flat and push them all out the door again like a mad woman. Sigh. Finally.. in the car. I start it and look down at the dash. My husband had forgotten another bit of information. I had NO gas... it was on empty. I immediately start bawling. He also took the debit card today... so I am left with no money, no gas, and no sanity. Who needs sanity anyway? So, being the incredible mommy I am.. what do I do? Pray and floor it. I might not be able to leave the parking lot, but I know after today, God will make this gas stretch to get there.... I hope!!!! Of course, I hit EVERY stop light.. and am forced to stop and wave at EVERY cop this side of town. But finally, I'm there! We run inside.. and my! Aren't we a sight to see!!! My hair a mess because I forgot to fix it, the snack bucket with half bags/half cups full of snack (because I ran out of baggies half way through making it), the girls, SR with cake down her shirt and SJ with her bow crooked because she had an itch..... and SD.. the baby.. Screaming his head off in his little snow bunny suit, because I didn't have time to feed him again before we left. Did I mention I was bawling my eyes out? But.. they sure do take cute pictures! And they cropped out the mud ;) Isn't picture day fun?? By the way, I made it home on my gas tank.. told you it would work!!

To be continued...

(Tune in next time to see how poop, makeup, and sharpie are all related....)

Comment me with YOUR best story!!!!

~ Ashleeplusthree

Life Lessons.

Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun burn? Why do flowers grow? Why do people think babies tooting is cute but adults tooting is gross? These are the questions that make the world go round. Our kids seem to have a better understanding of the universe than we, as adults, do. They understand that crying works for just about everything. Hunger, sleepiness, diaper changes... all cured by screaming. What other lessons can these incredible human beings teach us? Here are a few things I have learned from my kids... What have you learned from your tiny humans??

1) Smiling and drinking doesn't work well. I just recently posted this on Facebook.. and its truthfulness rings out! Teeth or no teeth, this doesn't work. Unless of course you find a wet shirt/pants attractive, then maybe it might fly. 

2) Do not eat spaghetti and sneeze. This one is pretty self explanatory. My twins do this all the time. Things coming out of your nose is not comfortable. So why is it that three year olds think things in their noses are so funny?? Well, I guess that it is slightly funny, at least that moment of surprise when they realize that something is hanging from their face... But lets not make it a habit, k?

3) Things are "OK momma" ... most of the time. You broke mommies shoe? It's OK momma. The dog peed on the floor and mommy stepped on it? It's OK momma. You threw a bowl across the floor and it shattered into a billion pieces? It's OK momma. You decided that the baby was cold so you put a blanket over his head while I was in the bathroom? It's OK momma. You stuck into the bathroom in the middle of the night, stole mommies makeup and thought it looked good on the couch and carpet? It's OK momma. You decided that the wall needed art work so you drew a picture on it.. and your bed.. and yourself.. in permanent marker? It's OK momma. Sister took your toy and put it in the toilet. NOT OK! NOT OK AT ALL! Sister is now the bane of your existence and deserves to serve her time in the corner.. toddlers confuse me.

4) Candy is always a suitable option for a meal. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. So much sugar! Snacks of smarties and suckers are acceptable, too. Who cares that it is unhealthy and will also keep you from taking that long awaited nap so mommy can finally get a moment of peace?! Yeah.. me either. :P

5) Pooping is funny. Take it from a three month old, this is true. You poop... get changed.. all clean, decide to play with mommy and daddy. Kicking your legs, being all cute.. when suddenly.. THHHHHHHPPPP. And cue the smile!!! SO funny.. haha.. hahahaha. hah. hmm.

6) Big girl panties = cool. And we must tell everyone that we are wearing them. Even total strangers. Oh yes.. and they have Disney princesses on them! Wanna see? No. No they don't.

7) Our new baby is THEIR baby. "That is MY baby. Not mamma's." Honestly I am too scared to contest this statement... SR is VERY serious about HER baby. 

8) Pink is the answer to any question. Favorite color is pink. Favorite number is pink. Favorite Disney Princess... is Elsa... but she totally has pink snow powers. Oh, and horses can be pink, too. And apparently that's what they want for their birthday. That is a bit of a tall order.. while we are on the subject:

9) Singing happy birthday every time we talk to someone on the phone is perfectly normal. And telling everyone on Sunday morning that it is your birthday is also normal. Because people give you candy which is OK to eat all the time (see #4). 

10) Apple Juice is the sweet nectar of life. Water? Forget it! It's all about that juice, baby! 20 glasses of juice? The more the merrier!! Ah, so what if it makes us poop buckets all day! MORE JUICE. And a new development to this concept... my girls have started telling their grandma that "Momma didn't give me juice this morning. That's not nice." I definitely DID give them juice, but they know grandma has to give them ten times the amount of juice they should to make up for it. Well played little juice-minions.. Well played. 

To be continued...

~ Ashleeplusthree

A Mommy's Christmas Adventure.

Twas the morning before Christmas, and all through my house

there are three year olds screaming and the dog ripping my blouse.

The stockings hang crooked on the walls by the door,

and little hands made quick work of the paper bags from the store. 

The blinds are half open and the carpet is a mess, that dog hair is in season, it adds to my stress.

The pillows on top of the couch are all lumpy and these PJ bottoms make my legs look all stumpy.

The kids are covered with markers and pens, and the trash somehow never makes it into the bins.

The fish tank is stinky and the turtle needs feeding, I cut my self cooking and hope i'm not bleeding.

The dog ate my shoes, my favorite two pairs,

Did I mention how I want to chop off all his hair?

The baby is hungry and covered in spit

and all mommy wants to do is sit.

I finally get the children into proper clothes and tie up the girls hair with cute little bows.

The bows disappeared in less than an hour, when was the last time I took a shower?

The laundry needs folding and there is still another load, 

If I have to watch another princess movie I think I'll explode.

The girls tore up my pillow with memory foam, Daddy is still at work? Isn't it time for him to be home?

The dishes are still dirty from our dinner last night, the girls are having a horrible fight.

The toys are all messy, "stop messing with your brother!"

The bathroom needs scrubbing, "Seriously, listen to your mother!"

I restart the movie, was this time 7 or 8? and the kids say they're hungry even though they just ate.

Now they want candy, and then they'll want more,

looks like another trip to the store.

Someone is calling, there's a knock at the door,

"Sorry, can't talk now.." as I hang up, I don't think I can take any more!

Bedtime is near and I secretly jump for joy,

But I still have to stay up and wrap all the toys.

The kids are finally tucked into their beds, with sweet little dreams dancing through their heads.

This life is not easy, you don't get a lot of rest,

it might always be crazy, but my babies are the best.

As I wave goodbye to this busy Christmas eve, I say hello to a wonderful new day filled with little children who believe. 

Being a mommy is hard, but I'd do it again and again,

So, Bring it on Christmas! Let the adventure begin!

A little Christmas poem for you on this lovely Christmas eve! Enjoy spending time with your family and loved ones. Cherish the music and Christmas baking... And always remember that life is always an adventure worth taking!

Oh, sorry.. I have to get out of this whole rhyming mindset. 

But seriously, think of all the little things you have to be thankful for. Even the things that sometimes do not seem to be things you would normally be thankful about. Memories are the greatest gift that we have :)

May the prayers and coffee flow, friends,

and may you remember the true meaning of Christmas this year,

Merry Christmas!

~Ashleeplusthree

Whats in Your Bag?

Alright mommies out there! I have created a list of the top 16 ridiculous things that all moms need in their purse or diaper bags at all times or maybe not..... These are all from my experiences alone... so don't judge ;)

1) Diapers... the obvious. Going to a job interview and they ask you to pull out a pen? Out pop at least 4 diapers out of your purse.. hopefully all clean. We never truly can get away from those awful things can                                     we?

2) Crackers. Our kids are hungry? Boom! Got it... But we seem to not always have enough on hand and of course not just the whole, put together kind of crackers in nice little sealed packages.. noooooo. The ones that are half eaten and now CRUSHED in the bottom.. never to see the light of day again. RIP crackers.

3) Diaper cream. Probably made your entire purse smell like babies rear end. Probably also leaked out    at some point and turned the liner a weird smoky grey color.. and sticky. At least your hands will never                   get diaper rash.. right? 

4) Sippy cups. Why is your phone, wallet and keys wet? Oh, because your three year old got tired of carrying it and made you put it in there even though it leaks out the side. No matter how determined your efforts are to stand it up straight and not let it tip... it always does.. Those cups.. their sneaky. 

5) An extra pair of clothes. Why do you chance it without them?? You know that as soon as you decide that everything will be "alright" if you skip out on the extra pants, the bowels of your child will explode like the fiery wrath of Mount Vesuvius. Trust me. No one wants a Pompeii kid. 

6) Children's Tylenol/Motrin. Because what if they get a fever while you are out for an hour at the store? Obviously they would get up to 112 and explode if you didn't have it.. so why not be safe, right? Bring BOTH!

7) Baby wipes. Useful for bottoms, shopping carts, dirty faces, hands that won't stop touching EVERYTHING  in EVERY aisle you walk down while shopping, shirts with spit-up stains, the diaper rash cream that just exploded in your bag (see above) and of course the dreaded pacifier falling-on-the-floor incident.. which seems to happen about.. err.. every minute and a half. On that note:

8) An extra pacifier. I am NOT dealing with a screaming child (or two in the case of when my twins were small) because they threw the Paci in the toilet while mommy was washing her hands after almost having a bladder rupture from trying to hold it in.. no one wants to go to the potty while they're out with 3 kids.. seriously.. but when you gotta go.. you gotta GO. I never leave home without at least 3 paci's. EVER.

9) Nail clippers.. the baby kind with the easy to hold handle. My son somehow seems to grow his nails out to Werewolf claw length every time he takes a breath. I will clip his nails, look away and look back again and there is a new scratch on his handsome little face... and the claws are back. Why we can't just keep these at home, I don't know. The safety of handsome baby faces I suppose.

10) A sucker.. or two.. or three. When a paci doesn't work? WHERE ARE THE STINKING SUCKERS?! I need my kid to not scream until their lungs burst.. or my head does. Whichever comes first.

11) A protein bar. Because who has time to eat until you're about to pass out anyway, right?

12) Extra hair ties.. this one is for the girl mommies. My girls NEVER leave their hair in, and they ALWAYS break their ties. Always! So I keep about a half million in the side pocket. It might not be a bad idea to keep a couple of mommy sized ones too.. Just in case I need them.. and I usually do.

13) A changing mat. There are some things baby wipes can't get off. Nuff' said.

14) A burp rag, or towel depending on your child. Even if they haven't eaten in a couple hours.. DON'T be fooled! You will be out and they WILL puke everywhere. And if they have eaten recently. Good luck. 

15) Sunglasses for those days that you feel like you might cry, but you want to keep a hard exterior so your kiddos won't jump all over the opportunity to get what they want cause mommy might break and give in. Just put on the shades.. you will look cool and can pretend no one can see your bloodshot eyes and the black bags under them.

16) A mini calendar. I'm not kidding. This is a lifesaver for me. I am a forgetful person normally, but pump me up with some post pregnancy hormones, 3 kids demanding my attention at all times, and running on 2 hours sleep.. and my brain is fried! Keep it with you and updated. It might save your life one day... trust me.. I once started to go to the zoo with the kiddos instead of taking them to their playschool because I forgot it wasn't Saturday.. it was Friday. 

Well there ya go! 16 most important items to have in your purse or diaperbag. Message me and tell me something kooky you always keep in your bag! Or just leave a comment! 

May the prayers and coffee flow, friends,

~Ashleeplusthree

Grate Expectations.

Do this, Do that, Do the laundry and the dishes and cook dinner and give the kids bath and take them to school and make sure they don't get spoiled or snotty or turn out badly.  

I feel like people put to many expectations on most other people, even when we don't mean to. 

As a former single mother of two, I understand how hurtful and frustrating what people expect you to do can be. 
People expect that you made a mistake, or that your kids ARE the mistakes. They expect you to not care about their education or how they turn out. They expect that because these children are being raised out of a broken home, that they will have a problem of some sort.. and if they do one thing out of place (or you do) you are blamed and judge for their/your decision. 
Some people expect you to just do it all and not complain. People expect for the absent fathers/mothers to pay child support and if you do not pursue it, you are hindering your child.. even though you are actually helping the other out.

I learned a long time ago that I cannot rely on what people expect of me, because those expectations are always there. 

I got married when my girls were 2 1/2... I got married to a wonderful man who loves me and them. I was on two forms of birth control.. but got pregnant in the first month. 
I'm not single anymore. I'm not sleeping around or cheating. My husband and I decided not to sleep together until after we got married.. I certainly do not judge people who do, we just decided that it was the best choice for our relationship and beliefs.
And you know what... people STILL judged us and expected us to wait to have a baby. We didn't MEAN to get pregnant.... it just happened. But, people expected certain things out of us and when we didn't live up to those, they judged. 

Now I have a beautiful baby boy, whom I love with all my heart.. and do you know what those same people are saying now??? HAVE ANOTHER. sheesh.. no one is ever happy!

I learned a big lesson on expectations while planning my wedding. I am a huge people pleaser and want to make everyone happy no matter what.. if it mean I am unhappy but someone else is, I try to do it. So many expectations are put on young brides now a days, its ridiculous. My father is a pastor of the church I go to, so people expected me to have my wedding there... and I did. People expected me to plan every detail right down to the bugs on the flowers... and I did. People expected me to have my dad officiate for us... and he did. People expected me to do a lot of things. But you know what? All those things I mentioned? It is because I WANTED to do them! I wanted my wedding there and my dad to do it, I wanted those flowers and I wanted to plan all the details. There were plenty of people who were opposed to my decisions.. My mom had another dress that I tried on as her favorite. It was SOOOO hard going against her opinion, but I'm glad I did. 

Weddings are a reflection of you and your fiance. You put little details of yourself into every part.. flowers you like, foods you think are delicious, those quirky little bits of you and him that you think are so attractive... they are all hidden in the design. Your dress is a reflection of how you see yourself.. whether its a fairly inexpensive one or a budget-breaker, your style is in the seams, the way you view yourself is pattered into the form... your modesty, or lack-there-of.. your sparkling personality or classy nature. It is all there. 
If people try to pressure into changing your outlook on yourself.. if they try to change that reflection of you as a couple, the venue, the dress, the flowers, the people in the wedding... then they are being very selfish. They wouldn't try to change you would they? Don't let them change your reflection either. 

Sometimes people aren't trying to live up to life's expectations.. and I think those people are happier! Our lives, jobs, kids, free times, are little reflections of who we are. If you do not like those reflections, maybe you should take a hard look at your own.

So you know what? Get rid of those expectations! Grate them! Shred them into tiny bits.. always remember that people ultimately do want the best for you (usually).. so don't forget those expectations.. but put them in a mental bag and stick them in a file drawer. But we shouldn't focus on them and let the worry of what people think of us or our choices in life lead us to a life that is dull and frustrating. Because no one can please everyone! And if you try, you will be miserable. 

Remember, in a year, who cares what your flowers were at your wedding.. or what dress you wore.. or what place you had it. Who cares if you have a newborn 10 months after you get married and you don't want any more for now. Who cares? You do. You are the only one who matters. They won't remember or care what happened, so long as you are happy and loved. Are you happy and loved?

May the prayers and coffee flow, friends,

~Ashleeplusthree

Stories

God and Coffee.

This is a response I give to people every day of my life. 

The question that demands this answer?: 

"How do you survive with twin three year olds and a new baby?????"

Some people lie, tell these perplexed people that they "don't know" or "just do".. But I know you mommies out there and you know i'm right... the answer is always the two most powerful things in the universe.. 

But, seriously.. how do we do it? Even with the help of our spouses, boyfriends, parents, friends, and support groups... How DO we survive. I'm still asking myself that question three years later. 

People often ask me to tell them the best and worst stories of mommy-hood... I have so many, I swear I should write a book. Between pregnancy and the daily dramas of everyday life... I could make millions.. some people who are far more fluent in writing than I have. 

Honestly, though. How could I pick a favorite story? My life is like a comedy in itself! Every day there are new adventures to add to the big book of craziness I call my family story. Between things like poop smeared carpet, permanent marker artwork on the walls, and my brand new makeup destroyed by little 2 year old fingers trying to look like mommy... I pretty much have seen everything. (Did I mention that was all in one day? Yes.. one day.. AND I was 5 months pregnant) The bad stories intertwine with the good.. all becoming stories to laugh at.. eventually (Maybe in 18 years or so for some of them).
But all in all I stick to my motto... God and coffee. 

Sometimes though those two things don't seem to come through. sometimes life is just overwhelming and lame. Sometimes being a mommy becomes too hard or too much. Sometimes all the yelling and screaming and throwing and demanding becomes too unbearable. Sometimes we just need our night to puzzle over our crime dramas and eat as much ice-cream and popcorn as our stomachs can hold. But you know what? That's ok. Because these are the times that we realize how much our kids mean to us, how much they need us. They need us to be covered in spit up and freaking out because one ran off in the grocery store. They need us to argue with them about bedtime and tell them why its important not to lie. These are the things that you might not think much about now, but that they will appreciate years later. 

Ok enough gushy stuff.. this blog is really about trying to explain my mommy methods and who I am a little bit.

I am not a "typical" mom.. I am not super crafty. I don't bake constantly. I can't sew, or paint, or make delicious pot roast. I am not super environmentally conscious and I DO use disposable diapers...  I don't look good in yoga pants. The only reason why I wear sports bras is to be comfy... definitely not to work out. I LOVE chocolate.. and don't care a turtles booty about my figure.. cause if I did I would get sad and then eat more chocolate and get a bigger figure.. so why not enjoy it and not worry! I have two beautiful identical twin daughters who are three years old (for purposes of this blog I will call them SJ and SR). They are smart and funny and ORNERY! I have a son, SD. He is a little over two months old and the easiest baby I have ever taken care of (Thank you Lord). I have a dog who is my other child. His name is Apple Jax. I have a husband who is pretty much my other OTHER child. And Koopa.. our African Tortoise.. who I really can't be ok with calling my child, but we treat him like a dog... and the dog is like my kid... so I guess I shouldn't care. I enjoy coloring, playing music, watching movies, and eating chicken nuggets with the kiddos.. applesauce, too. Disney is pretty much the sun our world revolves around in our house. Cinderella, Rapunzel, Tiana and Mulan are pretty much my best friends, considering I know everything about them, their love lives, and know every song/background chart/line to any and every movie/tv show they have ever been in. I can even tell you that Tiana is left handed... yep.. that's how close we are. Bet you didn't notice that.. watch the movie 45 times a week and you will... Sometimes I wish I were on a beach somewhere soaking up the sun. Then I realize that if I left on vacation for any period of time at all my house would be a mess and nothing would get done. So I settle for opening the blinds.. which is quite a hassle considering that I have to ACTUALLY put on "appropriate"  clothing just in case someone sees me through said window. (I wish I looked good in yoga pants) But above all else, I love my husband and my kids and my dog and my tortoise. I love my life because all these wonderful kooky people who are in it and I wouldn't trade it for the world... 

So that is pretty much all for now.. Tune in next time for some more thrilling me stuff and good conversation :)
Until then, let the prayers and coffee flow my friends!

~Ashleeplusthree