Do this, Do that, Do the laundry and the dishes and cook dinner and give the kids bath and take them to school and make sure they don't get spoiled or snotty or turn out badly.
I feel like people put to many expectations on most other people, even when we don't mean to.
As a former single mother of two, I understand how hurtful and frustrating what people expect you to do can be.
People expect that you made a mistake, or that your kids ARE the mistakes. They expect you to not care about their education or how they turn out. They expect that because these children are being raised out of a broken home, that they will have a problem of some sort.. and if they do one thing out of place (or you do) you are blamed and judge for their/your decision.
Some people expect you to just do it all and not complain. People expect for the absent fathers/mothers to pay child support and if you do not pursue it, you are hindering your child.. even though you are actually helping the other out.
I learned a long time ago that I cannot rely on what people expect of me, because those expectations are always there.
I got married when my girls were 2 1/2... I got married to a wonderful man who loves me and them. I was on two forms of birth control.. but got pregnant in the first month.
I'm not single anymore. I'm not sleeping around or cheating. My husband and I decided not to sleep together until after we got married.. I certainly do not judge people who do, we just decided that it was the best choice for our relationship and beliefs.
And you know what... people STILL judged us and expected us to wait to have a baby. We didn't MEAN to get pregnant.... it just happened. But, people expected certain things out of us and when we didn't live up to those, they judged.
Now I have a beautiful baby boy, whom I love with all my heart.. and do you know what those same people are saying now??? HAVE ANOTHER. sheesh.. no one is ever happy!
I learned a big lesson on expectations while planning my wedding. I am a huge people pleaser and want to make everyone happy no matter what.. if it mean I am unhappy but someone else is, I try to do it. So many expectations are put on young brides now a days, its ridiculous. My father is a pastor of the church I go to, so people expected me to have my wedding there... and I did. People expected me to plan every detail right down to the bugs on the flowers... and I did. People expected me to have my dad officiate for us... and he did. People expected me to do a lot of things. But you know what? All those things I mentioned? It is because I WANTED to do them! I wanted my wedding there and my dad to do it, I wanted those flowers and I wanted to plan all the details. There were plenty of people who were opposed to my decisions.. My mom had another dress that I tried on as her favorite. It was SOOOO hard going against her opinion, but I'm glad I did.
Weddings are a reflection of you and your fiance. You put little details of yourself into every part.. flowers you like, foods you think are delicious, those quirky little bits of you and him that you think are so attractive... they are all hidden in the design. Your dress is a reflection of how you see yourself.. whether its a fairly inexpensive one or a budget-breaker, your style is in the seams, the way you view yourself is pattered into the form... your modesty, or lack-there-of.. your sparkling personality or classy nature. It is all there.
If people try to pressure into changing your outlook on yourself.. if they try to change that reflection of you as a couple, the venue, the dress, the flowers, the people in the wedding... then they are being very selfish. They wouldn't try to change you would they? Don't let them change your reflection either.
Sometimes people aren't trying to live up to life's expectations.. and I think those people are happier! Our lives, jobs, kids, free times, are little reflections of who we are. If you do not like those reflections, maybe you should take a hard look at your own.
So you know what? Get rid of those expectations! Grate them! Shred them into tiny bits.. always remember that people ultimately do want the best for you (usually).. so don't forget those expectations.. but put them in a mental bag and stick them in a file drawer. But we shouldn't focus on them and let the worry of what people think of us or our choices in life lead us to a life that is dull and frustrating. Because no one can please everyone! And if you try, you will be miserable.
Remember, in a year, who cares what your flowers were at your wedding.. or what dress you wore.. or what place you had it. Who cares if you have a newborn 10 months after you get married and you don't want any more for now. Who cares? You do. You are the only one who matters. They won't remember or care what happened, so long as you are happy and loved. Are you happy and loved?
May the prayers and coffee flow, friends,
~Ashleeplusthree
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